What do I do with my baby internet presence?
It won’t stop crying about a lack of hits and publishing creds.
Should I put it to sleep with chloroform?
Maybe I should Google how to do that first.
But if anyone asks, I searched “chlorophyll.”
Well shit, it died. Must’ve used too much.
Dammit, where’s the shovel?
Yes mom, the baby’s fine, we’re in Disney World with some rich guy.
Yeah, we’re still here.
What do I do now?
Approximately 3 years later:
Found not guilty of killing my baby internet presence.
Riding chillwaves of reasonable doubt, bitches.
I still don’t have an internet presence though.
